Vault Soda 2
The guy from the
previous vault soda, the Guy Who Misses Everything / The Guy Who Feels
Bad For Inanimate Objects and Things / Missy Misdemeanor, is standing
over a garbage can, holding a Kleenex.
"I'm just really
going to miss this Kleenex. It was a good Kleenex, you know? It did its
job - and it did it good. It took my boogers and snot and it didn't complain
one bit. Did you hear it complaining, you Kleenex-hater?" (almost
in tears, tears of rage and sadness balled up)
throw away the Kleenex, we're late."
is sitting next to a girl on a bed, both of them are naked.
"I'm just sooo
going to miss that condom, you know. Without it, I never would have been
able to make love to you. It's the best little condom in the world."
"You're so unsensitive."
I'M THE MOST SENSITIVE FUCKIN' GUY IN THE WORLD! WHAT ARE YOU TALKING
away, you won't see me for over a year, and yet you don't even miss me?"
going away, you're going away for a long time..."
is digging a large hole in the ground. Previous girl is on the ground.
going to miss you, April. It's so hard for me to do this. You can't even
begin to understand how hard it is for me to do this." (chewing gum,
calm, cool and collected for the first time in the skit)
Shot of girl. She
is tied-up - her hands and mouth are duct-taped.
He kicks her over
into the hole and starts shoveling dirt on to her, filling the hole back
up and burying her alive. He finishes after a fade-out, fade-in, and starts
He stops, hesitation
and regret filling his face.
going to miss that one piece of dirt."
He turns around and
goes back. He digs for a little bit, finds the clump of dirt, picks it
up, and puts it down the front of his pants.