TV Show Pitches
(it could be a female too, I don't really care) is pitching shows for
um, the first one would be about this guy, his name would be Cal, and
you know, Cal's walking along, like to class, head down, he looks kind
of sad, maybe a little down, and then somebody who knows him sees him
while crossing him going the other way, he yells his name and Cal looks
up and smiles and is all happy and greets him back, and then right away
after the guy crosses him, Cal puts his head back down and looks really,
really sad again, until the next time he sees somebody he knows, and then
gets happy again, and then really depressed. The
show would just follow this guy on his bipolar walk of life. I mean, I
think that' s bipolar, whatever. He'd be walking for the whole episode.
Anyways, it would probably just be a one-episode series. We don't want
people to get all walked out, so to speak.
next show, four words - Weekend at Bernie's with Terri Schiavo. So it'd
be Weekend at Schiavo's, based around the plot of Weekend at Bernie's.
It would be two girls carrying Terri Schiavo's dead body around, but trying
to hide the fact that she's dead, so they talk for her and have her run
and stuff. But, they run into several problems, because almost everyone
knows Terri Schiavo is dead. So, it would probably just be like one episode
show would be called Armchair Quarterback vs. Backseat Driver. It would
have a guy watching football and a guy in the passenger seat of a car
while someone else is driving, and America would vote on who's more annoying
- the guy saying the football team should've done this or that, or the
guy telling the driver where to go or saying 'why'd you take this way,
the other way's faster', etc. It'd be like American Idol, but more popular.
another show we could do, is like, the Ringtone Show. It would show the
creative process of ringtones. We'd actually go in businesses where I
presume what goes on is they brainstorm what ringtones they should use.
They probably just look at the Top 20 charts and say "Okay, all those",
so it'd probably only last, uh, about, one ep.
next show, this one's gold, man, GOLD! One solid half-hour of the guy
from that one anti-smoking commercial rapping "It's no suprise to
me that big tobacco lies to me" over and over and over again, and
maybe that guy from the anti-drug commercial who goes "You did good,
though, little brother", although then people might say we jumped
the shark, know what I'm saying, man? Jump the shark? Dot com? Eh? Anyways,
we'd only have it run one episode, else it would get annoying.
we'd have the chronicles of a typical, average American fat guy. We'd
call it Fat Guy in a Skinny World. Over half our viewers are overweight
though, since that's what all America is, so it'll probably offend and
we'll pull it after one episode.
last, but certainly not least..." (looks at guy he's pitching to,
waits eagerly for a laugh but doesn't get one) "...you know, that
one phrase. Ha. Well, okay, Laughy McNotLaugh, the last episode would
be about a serial killer and would show what their life is like. 'Cos
they're misunderstood, you know, serial killers. They're life isn't all
blood, guts, and glory. They do a lot of sitting around and doing normal
human stuff - they're normal people who deserve to be treated as such!"
(smacks table with his fist) "We would show the serial killer doing
normal stuff, like watching tv, looking at porn on his computer, not looking
at anyone when he goes into public, muttering stuff to himself. Of course,
the climax of each episode he would kidnap some young girl and murder
her and use her blood as body wash, but of course that's just to get the
viewers in. I could see this show going far, I personally could write
at least a dozen episodes for it."
the shows get rejected. The worker goes home to his lonely, quiet apartment.
He makes some soup. He watches the Wheel of Fortune on his small tv. Then
an idea suddenly sparks in his head. His face lights up. He gets up and
walks like he has a mission. He leaves his apartment, then the building
and starts walking in the street. Cut to a shot of a girl walking out
of a store, talking on her cell phone. Suddenly, a black bag is pulled
down over her face. The tv show pitcher grabs her and brings her back
to his apartment, kicking and screaming. Unfortunately, he goes on to
murder her and do some sick perverted serial killer shit like make a clock
out of her fingers and a can opener out of her ears. I don't know how
he makes a can opener out of her ears. That's crazy right there.)