TV Show Pitches

A male (it could be a female too, I don't really care) is pitching shows for television.

"Okay, um, the first one would be about this guy, his name would be Cal, and you know, Cal's walking along, like to class, head down, he looks kind of sad, maybe a little down, and then somebody who knows him sees him while crossing him going the other way, he yells his name and Cal looks up and smiles and is all happy and greets him back, and then right away after the guy crosses him, Cal puts his head back down and looks really, really sad again, until the next time he sees somebody he knows, and then gets happy again, and then really depressed. The show would just follow this guy on his bipolar walk of life. I mean, I think that' s bipolar, whatever. He'd be walking for the whole episode. Anyways, it would probably just be a one-episode series. We don't want people to get all walked out, so to speak.

The next show, four words - Weekend at Bernie's with Terri Schiavo. So it'd be Weekend at Schiavo's, based around the plot of Weekend at Bernie's. It would be two girls carrying Terri Schiavo's dead body around, but trying to hide the fact that she's dead, so they talk for her and have her run and stuff. But, they run into several problems, because almost everyone knows Terri Schiavo is dead. So, it would probably just be like one episode or whatever.

Another show would be called Armchair Quarterback vs. Backseat Driver. It would have a guy watching football and a guy in the passenger seat of a car while someone else is driving, and America would vote on who's more annoying - the guy saying the football team should've done this or that, or the guy telling the driver where to go or saying 'why'd you take this way, the other way's faster', etc. It'd be like American Idol, but more popular.

Now, another show we could do, is like, the Ringtone Show. It would show the creative process of ringtones. We'd actually go in businesses where I presume what goes on is they brainstorm what ringtones they should use. They probably just look at the Top 20 charts and say "Okay, all those", so it'd probably only last, uh, about, one ep.

The next show, this one's gold, man, GOLD! One solid half-hour of the guy from that one anti-smoking commercial rapping "It's no suprise to me that big tobacco lies to me" over and over and over again, and maybe that guy from the anti-drug commercial who goes "You did good, though, little brother", although then people might say we jumped the shark, know what I'm saying, man? Jump the shark? Dot com? Eh? Anyways, we'd only have it run one episode, else it would get annoying.

Then we'd have the chronicles of a typical, average American fat guy. We'd call it Fat Guy in a Skinny World. Over half our viewers are overweight though, since that's what all America is, so it'll probably offend and we'll pull it after one episode.

Now, last, but certainly not least..." (looks at guy he's pitching to, waits eagerly for a laugh but doesn't get one) " know, that one phrase. Ha. Well, okay, Laughy McNotLaugh, the last episode would be about a serial killer and would show what their life is like. 'Cos they're misunderstood, you know, serial killers. They're life isn't all blood, guts, and glory. They do a lot of sitting around and doing normal human stuff - they're normal people who deserve to be treated as such!" (smacks table with his fist) "We would show the serial killer doing normal stuff, like watching tv, looking at porn on his computer, not looking at anyone when he goes into public, muttering stuff to himself. Of course, the climax of each episode he would kidnap some young girl and murder her and use her blood as body wash, but of course that's just to get the viewers in. I could see this show going far, I personally could write at least a dozen episodes for it."

(All the shows get rejected. The worker goes home to his lonely, quiet apartment. He makes some soup. He watches the Wheel of Fortune on his small tv. Then an idea suddenly sparks in his head. His face lights up. He gets up and walks like he has a mission. He leaves his apartment, then the building and starts walking in the street. Cut to a shot of a girl walking out of a store, talking on her cell phone. Suddenly, a black bag is pulled down over her face. The tv show pitcher grabs her and brings her back to his apartment, kicking and screaming. Unfortunately, he goes on to murder her and do some sick perverted serial killer shit like make a clock out of her fingers and a can opener out of her ears. I don't know how he makes a can opener out of her ears. That's crazy right there.)