Trustworthy

(Two guys come out of a grocery store.)

Male #1: "Dude, I'm so trustworthy. Look, I didn't drop your groceries."

Male #2: "Yeah man, that's great."

Male #1: "It's fucking awesome, that's what it is. Awesome and trustworthy, and 'great'. But 'great' is an understatement."

Male #2: "Okay, whatever. You not dropping my groceries is 'fucking awesome'."

(The two guys are sitting down at a table in a restaurant.)

Male #1: "Dude, I'm gonna get a steak. You just watch. I bet you all my money I'm gonna order a steak."

(The waitress comes, and Male #1 orders a steak.)

Male #1: "Ya see, man, ya see? Unh? Eh? Oh? Eee?"

(The waitress comes with the steak.)

Male #1: "Hey! Look! I'm a man of my word!"

Male #2: (Rolls eyes.) "Yeah." (Frowns.)

Male #1: "Betchya I'll put A-1 sauce on this shit. Let's see what happens."

(Male #1 puts A-1 steak sauce on his steak.)

Male #1: "YEAH, BITCH! I WAS RIGHT! I WAS SO RIGHT! AND TRUSTWORTHY! YEAH! HIGH FIVE!"

(Male #1 reaches his hand out across the table for a high five, but does not receive one.)

(Male #1 keeps trying to convince Male #2 he's "trustworthy", "a man of his word", "can be trusted", "reliable", "doesn't 'flip-flop'".)

Male #1: "Dude, please let me watch your fucking kid. It's the only thing I want in this world, is to watch your kid."

Male #2: "Which one are you talking about?"

Male #1: "You have more than one?!? Holy shit, that's even better. I mean, all of them. All of them."

(A kid walks by the table.)

Male #1: "Oh, God, I lovvvvvvvvvve kids."

(Male #1 licks the random kid's face.)

(Male #2 is creeped out, and is reluctant to let Male #1 watch his kid because Male #1 is really forceful, excited, enthusiastic, and determined about babysitting Male #2's kid(s).)