MySpace: The Disease
by Paul Garon
3 friends hanging out in a living room. Two friends are having a conversation
and the other one is online. After talking for a bit, friend 1 makes a
comment to friend 3, who is on the computer)
Friend 1: Hey man, get off
the computer for a second... your hanging out with us right now... you
can always do that shit at home.
Friend 3: (doesn't answer
for awhile and friend 1 approaches him from behind)
Friend 1: Oh your on that
myspace website? Dude that shit is so gay, I never knew you were such
(Friend 1 and 2 laugh while
friend 3 gets defensive)
Friend 3: Yeah, yeah I know...
but dude, its kind of cool meeting new people and shit and like everyone's
on it now-a-days...
Friend 2: Yeah, like emo
fags and goth chicks.
(Friend 1 and 2 share another
Friend 3: Whatever man,
you guys are dicks.
(Later that night when friend
1 is alone in the comfort of his own house he is on the computer talking
on AIM to people and listening to music)
Friend 1: ::sigh:: Meh..
Pfft... this is fucking boring... (clicks and sighs some more) Hey I know
what I'll do, I'll go to My "Faggot" Space (laughs obnoxiously
to himself and clicks on the site)
Friend 1: Hey maybe I'll
make an account, then I'll be cool just like all the other kids. (out
of boredom, friend 1 creates a myspace account and fills in random stuff)
::20 minutes later::
Friend 1: Oh, I have a friend
request.. Hah (mocks the person requesting to be his friend) Oh, okay
I'll "add you".
::30 more minutes pass and
Friend 1 stops mocking friend requests and comments and starts typing
back in a serious manner. The scene fades out::
(The next day the 3 friends
are in a different location shooting the breeze (having a conversation).
Friend 1 randomely excuses himself amidst the conversation. )
Friend 1: Hey guys, I have
to take a piss.
(As soon as Friend 1 leaves
the peering eyes of his friends, he stealthfully moves at a steady pace
towards the computer at his friends house. He peers around awhile to make
sure nobody is looking, and then logs onto myspace. A smile grows on his
face and he furiously clicks all around)
Friend 1: (to himself) Ohhh
somebody commented on my pics!! I'm a hottie? She wants to hang out? This
is fucking sweet. Maybe I'll just go ahead and send the cutie a little
comment back. ::said in a "matter of factly" tone::
(Friend 1 spends an excess
time online and all of a sudden both friends approach him from behind
and start laughing)
Friend 2: Holy shit you're
on that gay website now?
Friend 3: Yeah, I thought
I was a faggot. But you tried to sneak it from us.
(Friend 1 stutters and starts
to sweat, he then speaks in defense)
Friend 1: No dude! I'm just
making fun of it and shit... see man, heh, look at this, i put that I
don't want to meet anyone who's close minded. Haha thats funny right guys?
Because what if a close minded person reads that? He so wouldn't want
to be my friend and would probably be offended!
(Friend 2 and 3 look at
each other disgusted/confused and say nothing)
::The shot goes back to
Friend 1 at home alone the next night. It is 9 o'clock and his phone is
ringing but he refuses to answer it. He is on MySpace and is furiously
clicking. His face is red, he is sweating, he is breathing very loudly,
and his eyes are wide open and bloodshot.::
Friend 1: NEW COMMENTS!
NEW FRIEND REQUEST! ALRIIIIIIIGHT!!
::he clicks some more::
Friend 1: OH MY GOD I FOUND
A BUNCH OF SURVEYS AND QUICKTIME MUSIC VIDEOS THAT FUCKING ROCK! HOLY
SHIT MY COCK IS SO FUCKING HARD RIGHT NOW! I'M GOING TO CUM MY PANTS!