(Man sitting at table,
eating toast and looking at newspaper. All of a sudden, a door slams
(Jumps a little bit, doesn't look over)
Holy shit! That freaked me out!
(Comes up to Male #1, grabs his shirt and starts shaking him)
You want some shit that'll freak you out fuck you up!?
What?!? Who are you?! What are you doing in my house?!
That's not the point, maaaaan! You want some shit that'll freak you
out fuck you up! Yeah, I bet you do--you're a teenager!
(Starts reaching into jacket)
Dude--what are you doing? I don't want any drugs!
(Pulls out small book)
Drugs?! Yeah, I bet you want some of those. No son this is the good
book. That's right, a bible. This shit'll fuck you up, man.
Get out of my house, you fuckin' lunatic!
You know what else'll fuck you up, man? Daylight fucking Savings Time,
man! Try setting your clock back an hour one time, bro, that'll so fuck
you up dude!
Get the fuck out of here or I'm calling the po-lice!
(Reaches over to Male #1's plate)
Here, just lemme have a bite of that toast, first...
(Grabs toast, also)
(Both men fighting over
(Gets toast, holds it high in air)
I've got your toast I've got your toast!
(Holds toast between lips, runs away, slams into door)
(Door slams open after
a little while.)
(Calmly) Hey, what day is it, man?
No...like July? October?