"It's Okay, I'm asian"
Male #1: "No, no...I
had the one cucumber, and then the one you gave to me, but the one your
friend took was my original, good one."
Male #2: "Yeah, but at least I gave you one."
Male #1: "Yeah, beforehand! Before you knew that prick would take
mine...you never reimbursed me for the stolen one."
Male #2: "I felt I didn't have to! I mean, fuck! I had already given
you one...I mean you have the gall to ask me to give you two when you
only lost one?!"
Male #1: "Got stolen! Not lost! Your fucking asshole friend stole!"
Male #2: "I didn't mean lost like that! I meant, in the whole scheme
of things, you only lost one cucumber...you're only out one cucumber-plus
you have mine...so you really didn't lose any cucumbers."
Male #1: "That's what I'm saying! I didn't lose any cucumbers...your
dick friend stole one!"
Male #2: "You still have a cucumber, dude! I gave you one before
this whole ordeal, 'cos I knew you liked them! Plus, my friend ate it,
he figured you wouldn't care...it's not like he stole your toaster!"
Male #1: "I'd fucking
kill him if he did that. And, plus, it doesn't matter! That first cucumber
was given out of the goodness of your heart! It was a act of generosity!
It was a nice gesture, but it's like me giving you some old, shitty used
car for free and then taking your new Audi!"
Male #2: (scoffs/laughs)
"An Audi?! Those things are pieces of shit!"
Male #1: "That's your opinion...and that's not the point!"
Male #2: "Wa-wait a minute! You honestly think I would drive a fucking
Male #1: "What?! I
don't kn-...I was just using that as an example!"
Male #2: (disgusted look on face) "I can't fucking believe I ever
called you a friend."
Male #1: "I can't believe you hang out with a guy so shady he would
steal my cucumber."
Male #2: "I'll steal YOUR cucumber."
Male #1: "Is that a threat?!?"
Male #2: "I'd bet a cucumber on it."
Male #1: "You ffffffffucking
ASSHOLE." (starts chasing after Male #2.)
(They run around the house,
causing a ruckus, until they run into a smiley asian.)
Lam Nguyen: "H-hey,
you guys, you guys. There's no need for this. Look! Look...look, I'm asian.
It's okay, I'm asian."
Male #1: (drops knife) "You
know, he's right. He is asian."
Male #2: (face lights up) "He's asian." (laughs) "He's
asian. How could we be so stupid?"
Lam Nguyen: "You're white."
("Don't Worry, Be Happy" starts playing. There is a montage
of the two doing various, friendly things such as playing basketball together,
watching a romantic comedy whilst eating microwave popcorn. Eventually,
it gets really gay. The whole time, Lam is there, smiling, pleased at
how he brought these two together simply out of his asianness.)
(This isn't Chappelle's Show, so we'll probably go with Ending #2. Plus,
Ending #2 is just funnier.)