Everybody Does It

(A guy is sitting on a couch with his girlfriend at a small get-together. A weird, crazy, guy, kind of like the question-mark suit guy, comes and sits right next to them, looking very excited.)

The Guy Who Looks Like the Question-Mark Suit Guy
"Hey, y-you guys, I've got good news!"

Male #1
"You just saved a bunch of money on your car insurance?"
(He laughs in his girlfriends face as if he just said the funniest thing, ever.)

The Guy Who Looks Like the Question-Mark Suit Guy
"No!....Faggot."

(He then proceeds to take out a cooking utensil from his coat. He quickly moves his hand up and down the utensil, as if he is masturbating. He is right next to Male #1's girlfriend, and he is staring intently at her in the face as he strokes the utensil. The girl is frightened, shocked, and disgusted all rolled up into one big, long, hard, black, erect -- emotion. Her boyfriend is consoling her by trying to make it sound okay.)

Male #1
"Hey, don't worry about it, it's okay."

(The Guy Who Looks Like the Question-Mark Suit Guy pulls out a new, long utensil. Never once do his eyes stray from deeply studying the female's face. He begins to stroke the utensil more furious than ever.)

Male #1
"It's -- it'll be alright. Everybody does it."

(The Guy Who Looks Like the Question-Mark Suit Guy pulls out another new utensil. He strokes it more furiously than ever before, and he is looking the female in the eyes harder.)

Male #1
"Everything will be okay. Nothing will go wrong."

(The Guy Who Looks Like the Question-Mark Suit Guy pulls out another utensil. Once again, the stroking and glare increase.)

Male #1
"It's just human nature. It's only natural."

(The words have no effect on the female. She is not comforted whatsoever, as the Guy Who Looks Like the Question-Mark Suit Guy gets closer to her and more angry with his stroking and stare. He chucks the utensil at the opposite wall, and pulls out a new one.)

Male #1
"A human being needs to get rid of these certain fluids, if this is not attained through sexual intercourse, one may attain the goal through masturbation or wet dreams. One cannot hold them in forever, as they are replaced by new fluids and there is only so much room, you see."
(He is now talking very loud and paging through a book, searching for valuable facts to inform his girlfriend of.)

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