Cop/Murder Mystery Show

(A middle-aged male in his early 30's is drinking coffee and reading the newspaper at a coffee shop. It's completely quiet. All of a sudden yet suddenly, the door slams open, and a frantic guy in a suit grabs the coffee drinker and lifts him out of the restaurant.)

(Cut to an interrogation room. The cop is slapping both sides of the guy's face with both sides of his hand. You know, normal slap, then backhanded slap the other way. You know, man.)

Cop: "You're a murderer! Admit it! You killed Nancy Clayhorn!"

Suspect: "What are you talking about?!?"

Cop: "Little Nancy Clayhorn is fucking dead! You killed her!"

Suspect: "No, I didn't! Don't I get a lawyer?!?"

Cop: "You gave up your right to a lawyer when you kidnapped, tortured, raped, strangled, drowned, hung, shot, killed, and murdered Nancy...little Nancy! She was a saint! She was an angel! She was a priest!"

Suspect: "I don't even know who this girl is!"

Cop: "Yet you killed her! You make me sick! Kill someone you know! Kill someone less innocent!"

Suspect: "I wouldn't kill anyone! I haven't killed anyone!"

Cop: "I've heard that before! You're pathetic! People like you make me want to stick a bullet in someone's head!"

Suspect: "What! Maybe you killed Nancy!"

Cop: "AHHHH!!!" (tips over the chair suspect was sitting in, throwing him to the ground) "Don't you ever say anything like that again! Arrrrggghhh!! I'll kill your mother! I'll kill your grandma, you bastard! Is your grandmommy still alive?!?"

Suspect: "Yeah!"

Cop: "I'm gonna kill her! I'm going to use my job resources to track her down and murder her! Tell her her time is up! Here, here's a phone!"

(The cop is really sweaty and yelling in the suspect's face, like an inch away from his face. He throws in random slaps, too.)


Suspect: "I don't know! I mean, I didn't!"

Cop: "A-ha! You're guilty! I got you, bitch!"

Suspect: "I got confused! You're spitting in my face and slapping me and telling me I murdered some girl I don't even know!"

Cop: "Put your hand on the table."

Suspect: "Why?!?"

Cop: "Put your hand on the table, murderer."

(Suspect puts his hand on the table.)

(The cop takes a hammer out of his pocket and hits the hand as hard as possible with the hammer.)

Suspect: "AHHHOOWWWWHHHH!!!!!!!"

(The door slams open. The guy at the door tells the cop there's been another murder of a little girl, meaning this suspect is innocent. The cop hits the suspect with a hammer again and screams "goddammit!")

Cop: "You scum, I'll be seeing you again soon, and let me tell you, there's more hammer where that came from...that's why they call me Hammer the Hammer."