A Day in the Life: Nick Monthei
[A Day in the Life will
most likely be a recurring skit where maybe once per episode we would
do a Day in the Life of one of the actors in the show or one of our friends
where we would have that person act out what we think their usual day
is like, using generalizations/stereotypes about them, or just whatever
we think they would do. Or, it could be a theme to one episode, where
there are four or five A Day in the Life skits throughout that one episode.]
NUMERO DOS: A DAY IN THE
LIFE OF NICK "PUNK ROCK" MONTHEI
There is a shot of a normal
teenager sleeping. His alarm clock goes off. He hits the snooze button.
The camera zooms in on his face as he goes to sleep. Once he closes his
eyes, the camera starts zooming out, and we see his mother shaking him.
"It's time to wake
This young lad gets up. As he is getting up and walking around, "I
Predict a Riot" by the Kaiser Chiefs starts playing. The song starts
off slow, and slowly builds up to the chorus, which consists of the repetition
of "I predict a riot". It is not supposed to be like the other
hardcore punk fucking rawk songs that will be in the skit. Of course,
no punk song is as hardcore as Nick Monthei is, but some come close. The
song is used to build the mood, as Nick is waking up, the song is going,
slowly, building up, just like Nick is getting more awake, and ready for
He stands in front of a mirror, discheveled from a good night's sleep.
He starts repeating to himself in a whisper, "you're hardcore, you're
fucking hardcore." It gets louder and louder, and at this point he
is making weird angry faces in the mirror, like he is biting something.
He punches the mirror and screams. He starts gelling his hair into a mohawk.
He throws on some dirty jeans from the floor.
"Aren't you going to
shower, sweetie?" his mom asks.
for pussies...I'm fucking so hesh I don't shower or wash my clothes."
(Note: this isn't specifically a thing about Nick Monthei, I'm sure he
showers, it's just he's punk rock, so ideally, he wouldn't.)
"Oh, okay, just be sure to put some deoderant on."
"Of course...you think I want the bitches to think I smell bad?!
"No...I..I don't know..."
By now, there is a pretty
hardcore punk song in the background. He throws on the most blatant, dangerous
punk outfit ever, consisting of a denim jacket, a tight pink shirt, random
buttons, and all kinds of spike bracelets. His jeans have numerous holes
in them, of course. And to top it off, the standard Converse Chuck Taylor's.
If you are punk, emo, or goth, there is no other pair of shoes in the
whole world you could wear or else you're cliche or something...
Nick starts going out the front door.
"Where are you going, darling?"
"I'm going to change the fucking world, mom."
"Oh, I hope so, I sure hope so..."
"Yeah! Gonna get rid of all the bad people! Yeah! Gonna create world
peace and end starvation and hunger across the fucking globe, mom! Punk
The camera is outside the house, and as he runs out, one of the most hardcore
punk songs known to man will be playing. He drives a shitty car with a
ton of bumper stickers on the back to a building.
He goes inside to a dirty apartment, where punk rock is playing loudly.
Several people are gathered there.
"Three Hours Later..."
By now, the party is in full swing. Old-school hardcore punk rawkkk is
playing at extreme levels. Nick is jumping around, bumping into people.
"YEAH, PUNK FUCKING ROCK! GONNA MAKE SOME CHANGE! MAKE THE WORLD
A BETTER PLACE FOR EVERYONE TO LIVE IN!!!!!"
He starts a conversation with someone about the new Black Flag or whatever
punk band's new CD.
"You haven't picked it up yet?!? It's fucking groundbreaking, man,
earthshattering! Go buy it, man...but not at some mainstream record store...You'll
just be supporting some filthy rich, white guy smoking a cigar at his
mansion by doing that...that's all you'll be doing...Buy it at some indy
store, man, there the money will be spent on what the employee's want.
Or, better yet, don't buy it with fucking money, either. Fuck the system,
man...fuck money...FUCK THE GOVERNMENT, FUCK EVERYONE, FUCK THE FUCKING
Nick goes and punches some random guy in the face. He runs outside, as
punk music dominates the audio of the scene. There is a girl running,
holding a bottle of water. He comes up right in front of her, takes the
bottle, and scrams in her face, "there's people thirstier than you've
ever been all over the world, and you're drinking water like there's no
tomorrow?!? You fucking bitch!" He spikes the bottle as hard as he
can to the ground. The woman screams in slow-motion, "Nooooooooooo!...there'sssss
notttt annnny carbsssss in itttttt!!!!" as the bottle squirts all
Nick continues running. He meets up with someone he knows. "Yeah,
punk rock music! We're gonna get Bush out of office!"
"But he just got reelected..."
"Yeah, well I guarantee you he won't be elected again."
"Yeah, of c-"
"It's because of punk rock, man! We're getting rid of all the mean
people in the world." He then proceeds to scream as loud as humanly
possible right in the ear of some kid who is sitting on a curb. "PUNK
KKKKKKKKKKKKK, MOTHERFUCKER!!!!" He then says, "TV's brainwash
you every second you are watching them and you don't even realize it you
ignorant, worthless piece of shit American" to the kid.
He goes back to the party
and starts downing shot after shot of some hard liquor. "Let's take
meth and kill babies!" he screams at everyone.
He gets in a deep conversation with someone about war. Nick believes that
war is always wrong, and that happiness throughout the world can be reached,
if someone just gives peace a fucking chance.
Of course, he also believes that every woman, animal, and working-class
American is exploited by "The Man".
He gets up and takes three more successive shots. "Let's kill some
fucking Republicans! Let's kill some fucking hypocrites! I hate hypocrites!
Let's kill some fucking abortion doctors! Let babies live, you evil sons
of bitches! Let's kill fucking politicians! Let's kill fucking cops! Let's
kill farmers, who only use animals for their benefit! Let's kill fucking
old people, they look down at us like we're crazy! Let's kill teachers,
they just get us in trouble! Let's kill religious people, worshipping
their non-existent God. Let's kill middle-age people, they'll never understand
how to run this world, they just fuck up our once beautiful world! Yeah!
Let's make a fucking difference! I'm gonna make this world a fucking better
place to live in!!! Punk rock music, motherfucker!!!!"
He goes back to his home, drunk off of his ass.
His mom is up, watching TV.
"Mom, don't believe the liberal media telling you what to believe!
It's all lies!!! AAAAH!!!! He knocks over a chair on purpose.
"Oh, you're home, sweetheart?
You got a call form Carlie."
"Oh, that bitch. Goddamnit."
He calls her back.
You're pregnant?!? Not my problem, bitch!"
He hangs up the phone by violenting slamming it down on the receiver.